Peak Condition
by INUJ.E.S.06
Summary: UP FOR ADOPTION Naruto leaves Konoha to become a doctor, when he gets called back everything has changed, including the people. Who is attacking the village now, and why do they need him? read and find out.
1. Default Chapter

I know I should be working on my other fics (and I am...I have like half a chapter for each of them) but I have the worst writers block imaginable just on them. How stupid is that....sigh oh well. Well anywho this is just a lil story I couldn't get to leave me alone. Anyways don't own cant sue...enjoy the show  
  
"A...a doctor?"  
  
Naruto sighed for, what seemed like, the millionth time in this conversation.  
  
"Yes Sakura, for the tenth time, Yes. I am going over to America to study and become a doctor."  
  
The pink haired teen looked incredulous.  
  
"Why don't you just study with Hokage-sama? You know, become a medical- nin?" Inner Sakura was silent for once, just as confused as her counterpart. What was Naruto thinking? He was the strongest ninja in the village, why would he want to be a med-nin? Why would he want to leave her? Wait...what? Naruto totally derailed her train of thought when he spoke. "I already have the skills of a med-nin. I want to help people out there...in the real world." Sakura's anger flared, her previous questions forgotten. She clenched her hands into fists, desperately trying to quell the urge to hit her best friend. "What the hell do you mean the real world? You don't think that our suffering is real enough for you? What the fuck are you on? You cant leave!" Naruto's anger rose to match Sakura's.  
  
"What do you mean? Of course I know that your suffering is real! I know that shinobi are dieing, I know that I could help them, I know that it would be the noble thing to do. The only thing I don't know is why I should help those who don't want it. What makes you think that those people would accept my help?  
  
"All this may be real for you but it is a nightmare to me. Fifteen years I've been alone. Fifteen years I wanted nothing more than to leave, all I needed was a reason. That reason finally presented itself and you, the very person who completely forgets I exist at the mere mention of Uchiha- bastard, tell me not to go. Why is it I should stay, Sakura?" Sakura's face faltered. Why did she care? He was still the same annoying Naruto that she would do anything to be rid of... right? Sure, he was a lot more subdued lately, and he was a bit isolated...ok he was almost completely isolated. Having that much power will do that to you, people tend to fear what they can't control. BUT he still greeted her the same way...except he never yelled her name...and he never dragged out the 'a' like he used to...and he dropped the '-chan'. Sakura sighed mentally and bowed to reality. This wasn't the same Naruto who used to follow her around like a lost puppy. This was the Naruto that only took a month to reach chuunin after their first disaster...er test, while the rest of them were left in the dust. This Naruto had made jounin only seven months after that. That was three years ago, Lee-kun, Nenji, and Shikamaru had only just made jounin this past exam. Of course, she was sure that Sasuke-kun would be just barely above Naruto if he had the time to train that Naruto did. Inner Sakura shook her head. 'Yah right, and pigs fly.' Inner Sakura laughed maniacally when she pictured Ino-pig flying over the village in a pig suit, squealing. 'but seriously, Naruto could kick his ass... and did.' Sakura shook her head in denial and took a deep breath, ready to have an inner battle with herself over the issue. Naruto however took her shake as telling him that he had no reason to stay. "See, I knew that if you thought about Stupid Fucker long enough you would forget what you were supposed to be doing."  
  
Stupid Fucker...Naruto's name for Sasuke-kun...even when Sasuke-kun was around...he hated Sasuke-kun with a passion. She guessed it had something to do with his Sharingan. What Naruto said finally sunk in and she opened her mouth to tell him that she could focus on other things, when it spoke of its own volition.  
  
"Naruto! Don't talk about Sasuke-kun like that! He is a well respected shinobi and he is away on a very important mission with the sand so he cant defend himself. It is wrong of you to bad mouth him behind his back."  
  
Naruto's face twisted with rage.  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK! I don't know why I even fucking bother talking to you! Get away from me!" With that he disappeared in an explosion of angry red chakra, and that was last anyone from Konoha saw him...for a while. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well that was the prologue. Hope you enjoyed it. Please review and tell me what you think. 


	2. Dr Chi

First chapter...here we go. Please review and tell me what you think.  
  
8 years later  
  
Naruto let out a sigh of relief when he skimmed over the lab results...no cancer was found. Still leafing through the sheets of paper, he walked slowly down the polished white halls towards his patient. He walked through the equally polished waiting room with his nose practically buried in the neon orange clip-board. To the worried onlookers it appeared that he didn't see the exhausted nurse pushing the overloaded medical cart at high speeds....with her head down. Of course, that was totally off base, he knew everything going on in the hospital and several blocks surrounding it...but they didn't need to know that. Several of the women sitting closest to were he was gasped. Both he and the nurse continued on as though there was no one in their path, the hospital staff had learned quickly enough that they didn't need to worry about accidents around Naruto. A small child near the back of the room called out a warning as they neared each other. A foot left between them, five inches, two, one, suddenly Naruto side stepped and deftly snatched a chocolate milk carton from the top of the speeding cart and kept walking as though nothing utterly anti-climactic had just happened. Most of the young women in the room sighed in relieve and a few people started clapping. Naruto paused his trek to 'Becky Goldenflag's' room while opening his milk and looked up with a questioning glance, searching for the source of such a morbid group's applause. He turned and looked around several times before pointing at himself and laughing lightheartedly, rubbing the back of his neck. "Um, I'm not sure what I did...but thanks for the support." Several people laughed at him, but one group recognized him and remained sober.  
  
"Coming?"  
  
The Family nodded in a broken attempt at unison and followed when he waved a hand a continued walking towards Becky's room.  
  
"She isn't in critical condition; the crash didn't cause any permanent damage to her brain. She is, however, going to need some physical therapy. The car door crushed her leg; her knee cap, tendons, and ligaments are fine but the bursa burst from the pressure. I am a bit mystified at how this happened, but it was easily fixed."  
  
He opened the door to the young woman's room and stepped in, a large grin plastered on his face while he threw away the empty carton.  
  
"And how are you this fine morning, my dear Becky?"  
  
The attractive brunette blushed lightly but smiled and replied none the less. "My leg hurts." He gave her an apologetic smile, encouraging her to continue. "My chest hurts a little. Is that normal?"  
  
Naruto was a bit worried about that last bit of information, but kept the grin on his face with ease...he'd had years of practice. Bringing the stethoscope to her chest with one hand while plugging in the ear pieces with the other, he smiled again. "Breathe deep?" She did so. Naruto was a relieved for the second time that day when he didn't hear the sinister gurgling that accompanied fluid in the lungs.  
  
"Does this hurt?" He spread his hand over her chest (above her boobs, you perverts! He is a doctor.) and pressed lightly. She hissed and nodded sharply before slapping his hand away on reflex.  
  
"Hmm, nothing to worry about, my dear, that pain is pretty normal when your chest meets Mr. Steering Wheel in such a violent way."  
  
The teen with a large black leg cast slightly elevate smacked his arm playfully.  
  
"Well I wouldn't have had to meet Mr. Steering Wheel if a certain blonde doctor would have agreed to be my date to the prom."  
  
Naruto scoffed and waved a hand absently. That had been a running joke for them for quite a while. Becky was one of his 'Just-Give-Up-Its-Hopeless' cancer patients. She had been coming to the hospital for chemotherapy for about a year and she was the most cheerful dieing person he had ever met...then again she wasn't dieing anymore.  
  
"Bah, you wouldn't want an old man like me as a date anyways."  
  
"Pshh. You are only like what 19?"  
  
Naruto burst out laughing and brought his hospital ID from his back pocket.  
  
"23, thank you. Although, it is reassuring to think that all those large male bouncers weren't just flirting."  
  
The room erupted with laughter that quieted down rather quickly as Naruto held up his hand.  
  
"Ok people, I have some good news and some bad news, which do you want first."  
  
"The bad." Becky piped. Naruto scowled jokingly. "Too bad, the bad wont make sense unless I tell you the good."  
  
The girl blushed at his playful smirk, crossed her arms over her chest gingerly, and huffed before motioning for him to continue.  
  
"Ok, the good news; The Chemo worked perfectly." There were several shouts of joy and some hugs came his way, which he returned tentatively, (still not all that used to willing physical contact) before continuing. "The bad news being that you don't get to come see me anymore...except for your physical therapy...and the checkups...and to get that god-awful cast off...but other than that I wont see you."  
  
Becky and Family let out a happy squeal and went about celebrating.  
  
"Be careful about medicine alright? I want you to check with me before you even think about taking ANYTHING. That includes Tylenol, Nyquil, Halls, and any other drugs you might find lying about your house. Understood?"  
  
The whole family nodded in unison and went back to cheering wildly. Naruto made his good byes and left silently. He walked down the hall with a real smile on his face, his eyes closed in a perfect imitation of his youth. Naruto absolutely loved helping people, and it was so much easier on the conscience than killing them. As he neared the reception area he heard his fake name called. He had long since changed his name...it was now something the lines of Gaka Chi, though he still insisted to be called Naruto by his friends. A frown creased Naruto's brow when he got close enough to hear what language was being spoken. It was his native tongue. His frown stayed in place as he jogged the rest of the way to the reception desk.  
  
"What's wrong Suzie?"  
  
The girl jumped at his sudden appearance but almost cried in relief at seeing him.  
  
"OH! Dr. Chi! Please translate! I don't speak a word of anything but English and Spanish."  
  
Naruto nodded and turned to the man, bowing politely. "What seems to be the problem?" (AN/ ok, I admit it. I am to lazy to rack my brain on how to spell all that in romanji. lightly slaps wrist for shame...well back to the story. OH! Btw the "bla" means its in Japanese )  
  
The man turned to him with the same relief Suzie the receptionist had shown. He bowed deeply several times before speaking.  
  
"Isha-sama! Thank Kami you are here! I thought my wife was going to give birth in the street!" (isha=doctor)  
  
"NANI!?!?! Baka yo! Bring her in, now! Now!" (if you don't know what those words are I pitty you)  
  
The man rushed to comply while Naruto turned to the nurse.  
  
"Wife in labor, be ready." 


	3. Ramen Stand

Second chapter...please review.  
  
Suzie nodded and got to work. Naruto stayed near to translate and to get information. To say that he was surprised when he found out that the man was from Konoha would have been the understatement of the century. He didn't show his surprise, merely writing it down and nodding for the man to continue.  
  
When asked why he was here the man looked surprised that Naruto knew were Konohagakure (sp?) was.  
  
"My family hired some of their genin once, I was sent to retrieve them."  
  
Barefaced lie, but Naruto was an expert at lying. The man nodded, completely oblivious. He continued to give out information. Apparently he was searching for some legendary missing-nin to help out his village. Naruto could tell that he was recently promoted to jounin. He still acted like a chuunin but carried himself as a jounin....more confident, arrogant. 'This one was promoted to early. The village must be in tough shape to put unprepared warriors on the field... I wonder how long he has been gone for, to have gotten married and have a kid. This doesn't make sense.'  
  
"What is the name of the Missing-nin? Maybe I can help."  
  
The Shinobi looked incredulous but gave way to the trustworthy façade Naruto had honed to perfection.  
  
"Uzumaki Naruto."  
  
Naruto's mind stopped completely...fortunately his body easily switched to auto pilot. "Your village must be in pretty bad shape if it is looking to missing- nins for help." He heard his mouth say.  
  
"Yah" The shinobi answered in a subdued tone. "It is, but I heard that this guy doesn't really count as a missing-nin...he just left for a bit. But Hokage-sama is going to be attacked at the next chuunin exam."  
  
Naruto snorted in spite of himself. "Oh that's original."  
  
The jounin smiled mirthlessly.  
  
"You were there back then?"  
  
Naruto merely nodded, to caught up in his thoughts to worry about what his body was doing in his absence. Believe it or not he trusted Kyuubi with control of his body now. Helping people other than shinobi had done wonders to calm the raging kitsune.  
  
'Is it Orochimaru? Itachi has no reason to fight Baa-chan, and Gaara is out of the question. So that leaves only the snake freak, unless they have been making even more enemies. I suppose I could lend a hand, especially since Jiraiya will probably be to caught up in the women's bath to fight.'  
  
His decision made, he went through the hospital and systematically explained to each of his patients that he would be gone for a bit. Becky and co. were the most disappointed, but they were happy to see that he had a life outside the polished halls. And so one Gaka Chi (formally Naruto Uzumaki) made his wake back to the nightmare from whence he came. %%%%%%about a week later (two weeks from the chuunin exam) %%%%%%%%% Naruto sighed as he easily slipped past the guards at the gate. 'No wonder she was looking for me, this place is pitiful.' After passing through the gate he easily walked down the street, standing out a bit. He had changed completely since he had been away, so he wasn't worried about being recognized. He had his hair cut short, it was still spiky but it was only about an inch long on top so it wasn't on par with some of the hair styles he remembered. He was rather tall by Japanese standards, around 6'. He was a bit on the lanky side, with just enough muscle to show that he had some. His shoulders were broad and his hips were narrow, but not too narrow so he looked off balance. His face was picture perfect. He no longer had the six whisker marks, having gotten most of them removed a while ago. He kept the one on the bottom left because Kyuubi asked him to. He thought it looked funny, and the surgeon thought he was insane, but as long as the fox stayed quiet he was ok with it. His eyes were darker, no longer the sky blue but more of a navy/ purple-ish color. They were still a bit wide, but just enough so it looked exotic in Japan, and narrow enough to look good in America. Naruto stopped pondering his looks when he passed the Icharaku Ramen Bar. 'Should I?' Naruto smiled and changed course. The Chuunin exam wasn't for weeks, he had time to get a bowl of ramen. He sighed as he slid down in his favorite spot and signaled the waitress to come over. She was the same, she had a few more wrinkles, but she was the same. Directly after he ordered a voice spoke...er yelled, from somewhere behind him.  
  
"Oi! Get your gaijin ass outa my seat!" (gaijin=foreign) 


	4. Hokage

Third chapter...please review  
  
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$  
  
Naruto looked over his shoulder at the large teen.  
  
"Pardon me?"  
  
The dark haired boy scowled, then continued in English, somewhat choppily.  
  
"I said, you're in my seat." Naruto smiled as he got up out of his seat to face the boy. He held back a yelp of surprise when he saw the spiky hair and beady eyes. 'Konohamaru...a chuunin?' His body bowed, once again on auto pilot.  
  
"Please forgive me, I didn't realize that this seat was taken." The boy who strongly resembled the grandson of Sandaime 'may his soul rest in peace' smiled nervously and rubbed his neck.  
  
"No, forgive me. I was having a bad day. That is just usually were I sit, I'm not used to it being occupied. Um...my name is Sarutobi Konohamaru. I......um...sorry about the gaijin thing." Naruto smirked mentally and noted the changes in his once follower discretely. He was short, and built, broad shoulders, big arms, the works. His face was more grown up, but still had a childish quality to it.  
  
"Gaka Chi. Don't worry about it. We all have our days."  
  
Konohamaru smiled and sat down, motioning the cook...apparently he ate here a lot.  
  
"So why are you in Konoha?"  
  
Naruto smiled back, taking small bites out of his ramen. "Business."  
  
Konohamaru's smile turned into a smirk. "Oh? And what, pray tell, is it that you do, Chi-san?" Naruto seemed unfazed by the question, but was inwardly applauding Konohamaru for questioning suspicious characters. 'I wonder who he got that from. Certainly wasn't me. I was a dumb-ass for the longest time.' "I'm a doctor." He answered with a sugarcoated voice. Konohamaru raised a speculating eyebrow.  
  
"A doctor hu? Well, if you are a doctor then you wont mind taking a look at this." Naruto nodded and the Leaf-nin lifted up his shirt. Naruto raised a brow at the bleeding gash dancing across his stomach.  
  
"Kunai?" Konohamaru nodded and winced as Naruto prodded the puffy flesh around the wound.  
  
"You came to eat ramen before getting this treated?"  
  
The shinobi blushed and turned his head towards the steaming ramen bowl being placed beside his hand. "I was hungry."  
  
"Uh hu. Did you notice that it is infected?" The teen blushed again and shook his head. "Or that the kunai that did this was poisoned?" Another shake. "Or that your stomach seems to be bubbling and bleeding at the same time?"  
  
"Its what?!" Naruto laughed easily when Konohamaru turned scared eyes towards the offending flesh.  
  
"Oh calm down. I was joking, but you really should get that looked at." The chuunin glared at him.  
  
"I thought I was. Very funny by the way. How many patients do you lose that way?" "I don't count because I cant do anything about it. And I'll have you know that I have yet to lose any patients that way." Naruto spoke, a cheeky grin finding its way to his face. "Oh har-dy-har-har. Anyways," Konohamaru let his shirt drop and started attacking his ramen. "Why are you here? You don't strike me as the ninja type."  
  
"I'm not. I was told that someone here was looking for me, so I came. I needed a vacation anyways; I was spending more time in my office than at home, and my desk isn't really that comfy."  
  
Konohamaru laughed and patted his shoulder in a rough, friendly way.  
  
"Where are you stayin'?" Naruto shrugged.  
  
"I don't know. Probably a hotel, maybe with the person who asked for me but I doubt that." Konohamaru smiled and grabbed his arm, gently steering him out onto the street. "How about we go talk to Hokage-sama? She needs to look at this wound anyways."  
  
Naruto shrugged, again. "Sounds good to me." "Y'know that I am going to be Hokage some day!"  
  
Naruto laughed until tears started leaking from his eyes.  
  
"Are you mocking me?"  
  
Konohamaru asked with a frown.  
  
"No no," Naruto waved his hands in a pacifying gesture "you just reminded me of someone I used to know."  
  
The teen walking beside him looked curious.  
  
"Blonde hair, blue eyes, loud annoying voice, about yay high?" Naruto smiled and nodded.  
  
"That was a while ago though. I haven't seen him for years and years."  
  
Konohamaru smiled sadly. "Yah, I haven't either....its alright, he's with me."  
  
He waved idly at the ANBU guards and walked past them, trailing Konohamaru. The chuunin walked down the hall and knocked before opening the shouji door. Naruto followed him in and bowed.  
  
"Ohayou Hokage-sama."  
  
"Ohayou Hokage-sama." he parroted. "Hey Kono-chan, who is that?"  
  
Naruto stepped forward and bowed.  
  
"Hey Baa-chan, long time no see." 


	5. Monti

NOOOO!!!! HE'S GONNA TRY TO KILL HIM FOR THE TECHNIQUE!! NOOOO!!! DAMN IT! THAT IS WHY I HATE HIM!!!! sobs stupid bastard.... Sorry about that but I just had to get it out......ano...if you don't know what I'm talking about just forget I said that.

Fourth chapter...thanks for the reviews . Keep reviewing please.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Don't call me that you little brat!"  
Tsunade snapped on reflex.

Naruto laughed easily and took the single chair sitting in front of her over-crowded desk.   
"N-Naruto?"  
He smiled and brought his hand up in a silent wave.

"I suppose you can call me that, but I'm technically a different person now. I see you haven't changed at all. That's cheating you know, I bet its not all that healthy either. Do you have to remove the genjutsu at night, or is it permanent?"

"Naruto..."  
"If it is permanent; do you even remember what you look like underneath? Maybe it only affects /other/ people's vision, so you know what you look like but we don't..."  
"Naruto!"

"I bet that takes up a lot of chakra...tsk tsk not healthy at all... and all in the name of vanity. Y'know I'm sure no one would mind if you walked around looking like the... uh......vintage ... woman you are."  
"NARUTO!"

He opened his eyes, which had closed halfway through the interrogation, and looked at her with curiosity dancing in the fathomless blue depths. Tsunade sent him a look that should have set his hair on fire (and would have had there been any justice left in the universe) and glowered at her desk.

"Nani?"

She stood up from her plush chair and slammed her fists on the desk, brining her face inches away from his.  
"Where the hell have you been?!"  
"Hu? Well, first I went to medical school for six years. That is not quite the usual time required, but I got by because I didn't take any classes I didn't need, like English lit and what-not. After that I went on a safari, really fun by the way, you should go. I spent about a year in Africa feeding starving children and the like. Then I went to Europe, backpacked, and stayed there for a while. That's were I met my girlfriend. Then we went back home to Boston. I started working at the Cancer Center, and sometimes at the local hospital if they were short handed. I've been living there ever since."

She growled and pinched the bridge of her nose.  
"You know that's not what I meant! Why didn't you come back?!"

Naruto shrugged dismissively and waved the topic away with a flick of his wrist.  
"I have responsibilities cant leave behind, so don't try to con me into staying."  
"Like what?" she sounded incredulous.

He looked away, uncomfortable.

"I bet if you paved that road you could con a car dealership to set up shop here. I'm sure it would bring in some more money. It really sucks having to walk from the Tokyo Airport all the way here."  
"Naruto..."  
"drop it."  
"Naruto!"

"It doesn't matter! This will be the first, last, and only time I come to your aid."  
Tsunade sat down with a dull 'thump' and stared at nothing in the general direction of Konohamaru, who looked just as stunned.  
"Why..."  
Tsunade spoke first but her voice was hoarse and strained. The blonde brought his gaze back to her. She winced at what she saw.

"Because I was never welcome here. I'm not desperate Tsunade, I will not come back to this place again."

"Naruto-ni..."  
Naruto turned to look at Konohamaru and smirked.

"Finally joining the conversation eh, Kono-chan?"

Konohamaru leveled him with a glare but continued.  
"Naruto-ni, why wont you come back?"  
"God! Don't you people listen? I am not coming back! Will you just tell me what the problem is so I can fix it and get back to my life!?!?"  
Tsunade sighed in resignation.

"...its Orochimaru."

Naruto rolled his eyes.  
"Thank you Captain Obvious. Geeze, who else would it be....that is unless you have been making enemies without me."  
He sniffled dramatically and pressed both hands over his heart.  
"How could you!?" he sobbed for a few seconds before falling out of his chair laughing at the look they were giving him.

The Godaime closed her eyes and tried to control the twitching of her eyebrow.... Was he always this annoying, or is my memory playing tricks on me? she thought absently.  
"Naruto..." She growled.

The blonde let out an exaggerated sigh and got back into his chair.  
"Fine, no more messing around. How long will I be here? What do you expect me to do before and during the attack. Who will I be working with? Where will I be staying? And finally, what terms are you going to negotiate to get me to stay and help?"

"Terms?" Konohamaru asked blinking owlishly.  
"Yes terms!" Snapped a feminine voice from behind him. "Like how much are you going to pay him to risk his neck for you ungrateful bastards, making sure no one looks at him unless it is with a smile...not those death glares I've heard so much about, and making sure no one hounds him about why he left...even if its obvious that you people drove him away."

Everyone sans Naruto turned to look at the small woman glaring at them from the door.

"Then again, I'm not complaining since you drove him to me."

Naruto groaned and sunk lower into his chair.  
"Baa-chan, Kono-chan...meet my girlfriend, Monti."

Well there you go.... sorry this one took so long...and its so short, but I just got back to the states and I was getting settled. Please review.


	6. Sushi

thank you so much for the reviews! You have no idea how happy it makes me to know that people are actually reading this crap, let alone liking it. Thank you! ok, on with the fic. Please keep reviewing.

The small dark haired woman strode forward with an air of grace and dignity, which, miraculously, didn't dissipate when she plopped down on Naruto's lap.

"Now, how much are you willing to pay for the service we are providing? If we don't find it satisfactory we are willing to find other employment. Since we have been offered several interesting proposals by the other villages involved in this latest war, it wouldn't be that hard."

Naruto scowled and poked her side, making her squeak and stand up.  
"Speak for your self, eh? I may have been offered a lot of money, but I don't really want to work for them."  
Monti whipped around, sending the hair that wasn't in her long braid flying, and glared at him.

"It would help if we had a united front in this, _Naru-chan_."

She spoke his name through gritted teeth. Naruto winced and laughed nervously.

"It would help if you asked me before trying to kill people with death glares and intimidation."

"I would if we ever agreed! You are entirely to soft!"

"I am not!"  
"Are too!"

Naruto stood up and frowned down at her, an easy feet since he was about a foot taller than her.  
"You are so full of shit your eyes are brown!"

Monti gasped and clenched both hands into fists.

"That's it!"

She snarled and pounced on the blonde...or tried to pounce. Naruto jumped to the side and started pulling faces at her. That lasted for about two seconds before Monti screamed and jumped on him, wrapping her legs around his chest and pulling fiercely on his cheeks. In retaliation he reached up and started yanking on her braid. Naruto started backing away instinctively, staggering while jerking on the dark plait and shaking his head from side to side in an effort to dislodge her pinching fingers. All the while both of them were screaming obscenities and glaring (or the best they could since Monti could only make eye contact for a second before her head was jerked back, and Naruto's eyes were forced closed most of the time because of his cheeks).

Tsunade glared at the comical pair and spoke in a calm voice, making sure it was loud enough for them to hear.

"Five thousand dollars."

The pair instantly separated and sat down, sharing what little cushion the office chair offered.

"You're joking."

Monti spoke, her tone sharp and cruel.

"I wouldn't let Naruto do it for that much even if he wanted to."

Naruto nodded, silently rubbing his cheek.

"You had better make a better offer than that Baa-chan. Just keep saying numbers, I'll say 'when' when I think its fair."

The Godiame tilted her head and smiled diplomatically.

"How about we discuss our terms over dinner? Ichiraku?"  
Monti looked confused but Naruto shook his head.

"To open, how about sushi?"

Monti paled, but it went unnoticed as Tsunade and Naruto finalized their dinner plans.

"At six then. See you there Baa-chan. Nice seeing you again Kono-chan. And congrats on being promoted, took ya' long enough."

Konohamaru, who was still to shocked to do much of anything, just nodded and watched them leave.  
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Naruto and Monti walked in silence to the hotel room she had booked, but the moment the lock clicked the small woman tore into him like a side of beef.

"Why the fuck did you let her reschedule?"  
Naruto sighed wearily and sat on the bed.  
"Why does it matter?"

Monti glared and stared undoing her braid.

"Because we had the upper hand! We had the power to make her do what ever we wanted! And you lost us that!"

Naruto frowned at his over zealous girlfriend.

"This isn't just a business venture, Monti, these are peoples lives, and she is an old friend. I wont have you treating her like one of your clients."  
Monti rubbed her face and sighed in exasperation.

"And I wont have you let yourself be walked all over! I know you, Naru-chan, and I know that you would give up your life for this god-awful place for nothing more than the thrill of battle! I know this was your home but you aren't that person anymore!"

She smiled winningly and tugged on his ear.

"Now how about we take a shower and get you into a nice business suit, eh?"

Naruto smiled back and followed obediently to take a shower, and, consequently, didn't end up any cleaner than he went in.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Well there you go, a bit short but I have the next one half way done and it should be up by tomorrow. Please review.


	7. Sick

Thanks for the reviews ;;....um, what is 'squee factor'? anyways, you find out what Monti's job is in this chapter, well you _should _be able to. I plan on dropping s few hints.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Naruto started digging through his suitcase in search of the business suit Monti had mentioned. After a few short seconds of searching her gave up and started whining.  
"Montiiiiiiiiii."

He heard her sigh from the bathroom.

"Its on the bed! God, you look with your elbows!"

Naruto stuck his tongue out at the closed door and looked over at the bed, were his suit was indeed sitting.

'Damn her.' He thought while pulling a face.

At that moment his mind reading love interest poked her head out of the door and glared at him.

"If you aren't dressed in ten minutes you're sleeping on the couch tonight."  
He gulped and laughed nervously.

"Ok, don't worry. I'll be all ready by the time you get out."

When the door clicked closed he couldn't hold back is mirth any longer and burst into a fit of very un-manly giggles. He regained control of himself for a few seconds before the image of Monti with only one eyebrow, smeared lipstick, and running mascara popped back into his head and he had to smother his guffaws with his pillow.

He was so absorbed with his laughing that he didn't see the black pump till it hit him upside the head.

"Get dressed!"

Naruto sweatdropped and did as he was told. A few minutes later as Naruto was tying his shoes Monti asked for her pump. He debated for a few seconds if he should hide the shoe and make her beg for it, but then decided against it. Monti had ways of making him talk that were down right scary...even for a shinobi, and she usually took stolen shoes seriously. He shuddered and placed the pump in her outstretched hand.

He blinked a few times when the bathroom door slammed in his face.

"Your welcome"

He yelled and mumbled something along the lines of ungrateful blood sucking notaries and went back to tying his shoes. He was at his bowtie when Monti finally vacated the john. He glanced at her then went back to trying to figure out his tie.

"Well, how do I look?"

Her voice said that she knew she looked absolutely wonderful, but still needed him to say it. Always one to please, he turned and smiled warmly.  
"You look positively delectable."

She smiled and watched him fiddle with his tie, not quite able to get the knot right.

"Thank you, but you didn't sound sincere enough."

Naruto grunted and glared down at the black piece of fabric that was becoming the bane of his existence. With an irritated sigh Monti strode forward and slapped his hands away.  
"I don't know why you are even playing with this, you don't need to wear a tie."  
His eyes lit up, like a kid who just got exactly what he wanted for Christmas.

"Really?"

She rolled her eyes and nodded. He was always like this, acting like a kid. The few times she brought him to work with her he would fidget all the time and distract her. He couldn't sit still if his life depended on it.

"Lets just go to the restaurant, I want to get these negotiations over and done with."  
He smiled brightly and proceeded to drag her through the streets of Konohagakure.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Tsunade had to admit that they made a cute couple. They seemed like day and night, complete opposites. She was short, longhaired with dark skin and eyes, while he was fair skinned and haired with bright eyes, and tall. Even their outfits were reverse, his dark and hers pure white.

She smiled when Naruto made eye contact and waved excitedly. She always felt younger when he was around, despite him calling her grandma. She watched as he waved back and bent down to whisper in the woman called Monti's ear. She pulled her arm away and shot him a glare before turning to Tsunade and smiling.  
"Sorry we're late, Naruto wouldn't get dressed."  
Naruto stuck his tongue out at her then turned.

"I got dressed in time, its _her _fault we are late. Miss 'I-know-my-way-around-even-though-I-have-never-been-here-before.'"  
Monti crossed her arms over her chest and glared.

"I'm not the one who had to ask for directions."  
Naruto opened his mouth to retort but she continued.

"And still got lost."

He glared at her for a few seconds then turned towards Tsunade.

"So, where are we going to sit?"

The Hokage smiled and led the way.  
"You look great by the way," his voice spoke up from behind her. 'Maybe he has learned proper respect.' She thought and smiled. "You can hardly tell that you are actually a withered old hag."

Tsunade facefaulted and Monti snickered.

"Smooth, Naru-chan, real smooth."

He turned t her and mouthed a confused 'what'. Tsunade jumped to her feet and regained her composure.

"Here is our booth, I took the liberty to order for all of us."

Naruto bowed slightly to her and push Monti in first. Naruto and Tsunade immediately began eating and discussing his terms.

Monti just starred at her plate, frozen in horror. 'Its looking at me! oh god, its looking at me!' she thought frantically while picking up her chopsticks and breaking them apart with shaking hands.  
"Monti-san?"

She forced her wide-eyes away from what was laying on her plate to the leader of the village.

"Hu?"

Naruto snorted.  
"Oh that was educated."

She glared at him, momentarily forgetting the dead thing sitting in front of her.  
"I asked if you like your squid."

She smiled nervously and glanced down at her plate.

"Oh! Ah......y-yes. I l-l...love squ-id."

Tsunade raised an eyebrow, but continued a long-winded story about Naruto as a child. Monti tuned her out and focused all of her attention on her 'dinner'.

"It wont bite you."

Naruto's voice made her jump slightly. She glared at him turned her head back to her plate quickly, afraid that if she let her guard down it would attack.

"I bet to differ."

She whispered fiercely, and gulped.

"It's _watching _me."

Naruto snorted quietly.  
"No it isn't, its dead."

Monti ignored his comment, and started poking a tentacle with on of her chopsticks. Naruto sighed and went back to talking to Tsunade when her hand gripped his so hard her yelped in pain.  
"What is it!?"

He whispered through clenched teeth. She was pressing herself against the back of the booth and her eyes, that were impossibly wide, were glued on her plate.

"It moved!"

She spoke in a hushed whisper so quiet he almost didn't hear her. He opened his mouth to tell her it was dead when a movement on the table caught his eye. He turned and watched, fascinated, as the squid gasped for air and picked up the chopstick she was using to poke it.

Monti let out a scream and scrambled over his lap, heading for the restrooms with both hands clamped tightly over her mouth. Tsunade glanced at him. He smiled at her and shrugged.

"She doesn't like sea food?"

I like that chapter . Please review. Thank you for reading. and incase you were wondering, no, she cant really read minds.


	8. Pay Reduction

Ok, sorry this took forever. I went to St. Louis for this belly dancing, plus school just started (honestly, who the fuck starts on a _Thursday_? Bastards.) well, please review, thanks to those who already have. Oh, in response to a review (I cant remember your name, sorry. You should feel special though; I am actually answering...lol, what does that say about me. ) Monti does understand him, sort of. She understands why he acts like a kid, but doesn't really get a lot of other stuff about him. They are really close though, and almost all of their fighting is just for fun.

p.s. i tried to get this up on sunday night but my computer crapped out on me, sorry for the wait.

Naruto snuck a glance at Monti. She seemed better than she had when they left the restaurant, but still pale and agitated. A smiled hovered over his lips; she would blame him for this...he _knew_ she would. Being the mind reader she was, Monti chose that moment to send him a glare would have made a lesser man wet himself. Naruto just smiled down at her and wink.

"Next time we go for McDonalds, eh?"

He spoke in English, and pointed at the inverted yellow arches (see below if you dont get that) peeking over a low building. He watched as her lips twitched upward before settling into a deep frown, a sure sign that she was going to play-fight to relieve stress. She was taking this far better than he had expected.  
"You know I don't like sushi."

She replied in English. Naruto flashed her a grin to show that he was willing to play along. Coming back to Konoha had a dredged up all of the memories he had spent eight years trying to erase...it was a depressing sensation, playing with Monti would help him deal with the stress. She was probably thinking along the same lines, killing two birds with one stone, as it were. Naruto smiled and widened his eyes with false innocence and tilted his head to the side.

"Do I? It must have slipped my mind."

(ok, him and Monti will be talking in English until I say otherwise) She narrowed her eyes in a withering glare, but the smile three inches below spoiled its effects.  
"Must have."

Naruto laughed sincerely for the first time since he had gotten on his plane, drawing several curious glances from the people walking around them. Monti smiled and slung her arm around his waist while pulling his arm over her shoulder.

"I was wondering if I had lost my touch."

He smiled at her and leaned down to kiss her temple. While doing so his years and years of being a trained shinobi decided to kick in and made him notice the shadow dart behind a building. He kissed her and whispered something in her ear before straightening and continued walking in the general direction of their hotel.

She leaned her head on his shoulder and spoke so quietly only his demonic ears could pick up what she said. He thought for a second before nodding and pulling her to the side under the guise of window-shopping. She frowned at him but pointed to a beaded skirt in mock admiration.

"I don't approve of this," she whispered. "you are just making it harder for yourself to leave."

His only response was a nod. Monti bit her lip and frowned at the gaudy clothes in front of her. 'I know he wants to see his comrades again, but they will just want to fight him. He hasn't seriously trained in months, will he be ok, what if they want to kill him for defecting......_damn it_ this waiting is killing me! why don't they just jump down behind us and yell out Naru-chan's name-'

Her thoughts were cut short when she heard Naruto's reassuring whisper.  
"Don't worry, I just want to see how things are. There is a war on, I _need_ to know how many lived through."

Monti looked down at her feet, ashamed that she had read his motives so badly. He feared for their lives, the lives of people who were so terrible to him. She had thought this whole trip was about him missing his life as a shinobi, but he was just helping out people in need. Monti felt heat rush to her face, tears of shame stinging her eyes when she wouldn't let them fall. 'I thought I was getting to know him' she thought desperately. 'I-'

Once again her thoughts were cut off by their subject.

"Don't worry about it," he purred in her ear. "you are the closest anyone has ever come. Seeing through my childish antics is harder than you make it look."

He nudged her playfully and she couldn't help but smile at him. He smiled back and turned them around to head home when a large shadow dropped down in front of them. Monti let out a loud exasperated sigh, and reverted back to Japanese.

"You know, even if this is a Shinobi village it doesn't give you the right to try and scare innocent tourist. I should report you to the Hokage; she owes me new shoes anyways. I guess striping you of your rank would be enough punishment."  
The ninja, clearly startled, took a step back and opened its covered mouth to speak. Naruto stepped in before it had a chance to speak.

"Oh don't worry about that. I'm sure your punishment will only be a severe pay reduction. Dropping you down to chuunin would be the worst case scenario, maybe genin...maybe." He turned away form the ninja and faced Monti in mock consternation. "I do hope the Hokage doesn't hold foot wear in such high regards as you! I would almost feel guilty reporting this abuse of power if that were the case."  
What little face visible between the facemask and hood paled and both Naruto and Monti heard a gulp. It was a well-known fact that, besides gambling, shopping was one of the Hokage's favorite hobbies, shoes especially. Monti glanced at him, her face stony but her eyes dancing with laughter.  
"I apologize. I was under the impression that you were someone I once knew."  
The ninja's voice was deep and hoarse from disuse. Naruto placed it instantly with a face he hadn't seen for years. He couldn't help but snort when he realized how little the man had changed.

"Holy shit!" He turned to Monti and smiled victoriously, speaking in English. "Monti, this is Stupid Fucker."

Monti raised her eyebrows in surprise.  
"I thought you said he was tall."

He burst out laughing and Monti stifled her giggles to maintain her angry façade. The now-identified ninja blinked in confusion. Two seconds ago they were threatening him, and now they were laughing at his expense...or what he thought was his expense. He had never bothered to learn any foreign languages, its not like he was going anywhere. He frowned, there was something about the man that was familiar, but the way he acted was totally alien. He shook his head and bowed to the couple, silently refusing to apologize again.

Another peal of laughter met his show of respect. Offended, he straightened and glared at them. He was about to throw an insult but couldn't seem to find the words when the mans next comment sunk in.

"Well well welly well well, if it isn't last Uchiha himself. Long time no see, jackass."

(that was in Japanese if you were confused)

well, that chapter was defiantly more serious than my other chapters. Not as funny as I would have liked but ill try to make up for that in the next chapter.

(AN)== the arches are upside down in Japan because its called Wac'Donalds there. Don't ask me why, that's just how it is. I don't know if that is how its spelled, mind you, but that's what its called.

And again, Monti cant read minds, its just an expression. Oh, and if any of you want to guess were this story is going feel free, believe it or not it does have a plot. Imagine that. please review!


	9. Srimpo?

Sorry this took so long, I blame school...and my laziness. Anyways ill try to make this long but I make no promises. On that pleasant note lets begin, ne?

Sasuke stared unbelieving for a few seconds before his survival instincts kicked into high gear, making him jump a few feet back and drop into a defensive posture.

"Naruto?"

The blonde mock-bowed, laughter evident in his eyes and smile.

"A bit slow on the uptake isn't he?"

Monti quipped from his left, making Naruto chuckle. Sasuke leveled her with one of his '#1 Uchiha death glares.'

Monti, obviously un-intimidated, quirked an eyebrow and spoke in a sugar-coated voice.  
"The shoe threat still stands, Shrimpo(1), don't tempt me."

Sakuke's reaction was priceless, and if he had ever made an expression anywhere similar to the one he was sporting now Naruto would eat his left shoe (not the right of course, he was pretty sure he had stepped in something rancid with that one a few blocks back).

Sasuke's eyes had bulged slightly, making him look a bit like a constipated bullfrog. The sickly green tint his skin had taken on did little to dispel the illusion. His lips were a thin line and his eyes wore an emotion Naruto couldn't recognize on the Uchiha. Overall his expression was one of righteous anger mixed with a bit of (what Naruto, Monti, and most of the passers by assumed to be) physical and emotional discomfort. It was a bit hard to tell though, since the only emotions he usually showed could only fall into two categories. Annoyance and boredom.

Sasuke, deciding that ignoring the comment would be better for his health (not to mention job security), turned to Naruto and raised his fist in a threatening manner. He planned on getting some answers.

"Why are you here?"

Neither Naruto nor Monti answered. The identical looks on their faces was more than enough to tell him just how obvious that particular answer was.  
"Are you staying for good?"

'_Not that I care._' He added mentally, then let his eyebrow twitch as he received the exact same 'God-you're-stupid' look from both.

"Will you ever come back?"  
Naruto sighed tiredly.

"Quoth the Raven, 'Nevermore'."(2)

Monti giggled slightly, but Sasuke just looked confused. Once again choosing to ignore the comment he brought his fist back up (it had fell during the unsuccessful interrogation) and glared at Naruto.

"Fight me."  
Monti sighed in exasperation.  
"Oh for shit's sake! You sure do have a one track mind, don't you Shrimpo?"  
Sasuke was about to snarl an answer at her when his air supply was unexplainably cut off. He tried to struggle, but his arms were pinned to his sides and there was an unbearable weight on his shoulders. He couldn't move! He tired to break free but it was no use. His vision was clouding and to top it all off there was a damn banshee squeeling in his ear.

'_Kill me now..._' was his last thought before he slipped into blissful silence...er darkness.

Monti raised an eyebrow as Sasuke slowly sunk to his knees, then flopped onto his face with the pink haired woman still clinging to his neck and torso.  
"Well that was disturbing and I have the strange feeling that I will be describing this scene to a psychiatrist. Y'know I'm pretty sure I have inner ear trauma. Will you check it out for me Naru-chan?"

Naruto turned to her and smiled warmly.  
"Of course Monti, dear, do you want chakra healing? We are, after all, in a ninja village."

She seemed to ponder for a few seconds, completely ignoring the pink woman, who by now had let go of the unconscious Shrimpo, that was staring at them.

"Well, I suppose. If you must."

Just as Naruto was reaching towards her the pink woman started screeching again.

"Naruto-kun! I almost didn't recognize you! Why are you here?"

The doctor sighed. '_why does everyone ask me that? pshh, like I come back here on a social call._' When he didn't answer Sakura moved onto a new question, unconsciously following Sasuke's lead.

"Why don't you just stay?"

"No."

"You know, this place isn't so bad-"

"No."

"I don't know why you left Naruto-kun-"

"No."

"You should come back-"

"No."

"And serve Hokage-sama once again-"

"You just don't listen when I talk do you?"

"What? Naruto, its rude to interrupt people when they are talking. Didn't your parents ever teach you that?"

Suddenly Sakura's vision was taken up by a stiletto heel.

"Tell me again why we cant leave?"

(1) I thought that was funny since Monti is really short herself. Anyways, about the short thing Naruto was really short when he left Konoha, just thought id say that since im not sure if I did last chapter.

(2) 'Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."' Excerpt from a poem I love. In it the guy asks the raven questions he already knows the answers to. I thought it would fit since Naruto was also answering Sasuke's with 'nevermore'. It looks better in my head im sure.

Once again, sorry this took so long, but ill give you a cookie if you can name the poem and the author. I think the name of the poem is to easy but this whole quiz is cake. Ohhhh well. R&R please.


	10. Is this thing on?

The first person to answer was Yondiame-samaKazara Yume…long name, but congrats! Here's a cookie (peanut butter, cuz they are the only edible kind I can make). The poem was 'The Raven' by Edgar Allen Poe. Thanks to all those who participated. On that note I'd like to make an announcement. This is an AU fic. I guess I didn't say it before. Sorry. Now that it's said, if I get one more 'America doesn't exist in naru-land' reviews I'm going to scream. Sorry I haven't updated! I wont make excuses because I'm a realist and I know I'm a lazy bastard. Now, on with the fic!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto sighed as several joints popped. He was laying spread-eagled on the bed in his and Monti's hotel room. After she attacked Sakura, Monti still had a lot of pent up anger so Naruto took her back to their room and got rid of her excess energy the best way her knew how. Now she was in the shower and he was thinking about an encore when the phone next to his head rang. Naruto let out a long-suffering sigh and reached languidly for the monstrous beige phone commonly associated with run down motels, idly wondering why a five star hotel would have it.

"Moshi moshi"

Maybe they wanted the rooms to look vintage.

"Is this the room of Uzumaki Naruto-sama?"

Or maybe they spent all their money on decorations and they didn't have enough for good phones.

"Hai. Who is this?"

Oh, or maybe the person who rented this room before him was a missing-nin.

"This is Godiame-sama's personal secretary, she would like to schedule a meeting with you Uzumaki-sama."

And he (or she) was being hunted. Well of course he was being hunted. He/she's a missing-nin.

"Really?"

And the Hunter-nins found him/her in this hotel.

"Hai. She asks that you come in tomorrow morning at nine thirty to finalize the terms of your agreement before giving you your mission."

And after some spectacular jutsus and tiajutsu moves the missing-nin escaped up into her/his room.

"She also wishes to extend an invitation to you and Monti-san."

Then the hunter-nin followed him/her up here after licking their wounds, which were pretty serious even though there was only one missing-nin and several hunter-nins.

"She says that there is a club on the corner of Noo and Pan that you two should like."

The fight that ensued was legendary. After many dazzling jutsus and unbeatable tiajutsu the missing-nin escaped with his/her life.

"She would like for you to be there at ten thirty and she suggests that you dress casually."

The missing-nin was battered but not broken! She/he would live to do some pointless criminal act another day!

"Hai. Arigato."

Unfortunately the hotel room was trashed and the phone broken beyond repair.

"Thank you for your time Uzumaki-sama."

The hotel, unable to find a replacement phone fast enough, had to make due with the beige wonder.

"Hia. Oh, would you like my cell phone number? It would make it easier for Tsunade-hime to contact me."

The hotel staff, ashamed of their inability to get a better phone, decided to make the room match the poor thing.

"That would help us _so_ much Uzumaki-sama!."

So they redecorated the room, and now there was no evidence left to attest to the fight between shinobi.

"Hia, its 665-887-5109. Please tell her not to call me unless its important. I'm in roaming and my phone company would go ape shit. I pay them more than enough already."

So the room looked like it had jumped out from the sixties, what with all the shades of brown and geometric patterns, and no one was the wiser.

"Of course Uzumaki-sama, I'll be sure to tell her. Thank you for your help."

"Naruto get of the fucking phone! This rooms costs enough as it is, I don't want a big ass phone bill on top of that!"

Or maybe Monti was just a penny-pinching cheapskate who wasn't willing to pay the extra fifty bucks to get the suite instead of the crappiest room in the whole building.

Naruto laughed nervously and quickly hung up the phone.

"Baa-chan just asked us to go clubbing. Wear something nice looking but casual, she's showing us off."

Monti made a face but finished toweling her hair and returned to the bathroom, which was incredible. Apparently she was willing to pay ridiculous amounts to get a full-length vanity mirror and a deep bath, but didn't think it was notable that Naruto flinched every time he walked in because of a brown overload. He sighed; at least the bathroom was white.

He walked over to his suitcase and changed into simple black pants and a button up dark blue t-shirt that brought out his eyes. 'Maybe Monti wont go overboard and get all fancy' He snorted. It wouldn't be the first time. When he had been asked out to drinks with his boss she had gone way beyond the call of duty and ended up looking like she just got back form a wedding. Of course she was embarrassed so she got shit-faced and left Naruto to apologize and drive home. Not a particularly heart warming memory, but he had enjoyed the look on her face the next morning when she had a hang over. Naruto snickered a bit, he had talked louder than usual as payback.  
"Ahh, good times. Good times."

"What are you laughing at?"

He turned to face her with the smile still on his face. She was wearing a plain maroon cocktail dress that showed her petite figure.  
"Nothing. You had me worried for a second though. I thought you were gonna pull a 'Shots' on me."

She frowned at the name of the bar were she had first mad a fool of herself by over dressing.

"Shut up you. Lets go, I want to get dinner before so I can still think straight by the end of the night."

He smiled at her brightly and offered his elbow. Taking it she led him out the street and down towards the Wac'Donalds they had passed earlier.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto winced as some poor drunken tone-deaf fool tried to reach a high note. He would be the first to admit that demonic hearing had its perks, but its times like these that he wished that ripping his ears off would leave him permanently deaf. Apparently Tsunade thought it would be fun to bring them to a karaoke bar…and leave them. Bitch.

He sighed silently in relief as the song ended and the man he had been planning on assassinating a few minutes earlier stumbled to the safety of the bar and his laughing friends. Monti poked him in the side and smirked at him, pointing towards the stage where expensive looking equipment was set up.  
"Go on, you know you want to."

He glared hatefully at the stage then back at her.

"I hate you."

She smirked wider.

"Go on. Do it. Dooo iiiiit."

He frowned at her. Did she seriously think that would work on him? The genius doctor of Boston Cancer Center, ace shinobi, master of ten languages, and holder of the dreaded Kyuubi? Psshhh, no way.

"Doooo iiiiiiiit. Peer pressure. Peer pressuuuuure."

His frown turned into a glare. No way was he going to go up there and make a fool of himself. He wasn't even close to being drunk enough.

"Doooo ittt. You know you want to, I don't know why you resist, I get you every time."

'Oh that's it. There is no way I'm going up there now.' Naruto glared at her again and settled down farther into thebar to solidify his resolve.

She was about to start teasing him again when she noticed someone walking up to the stage. Poking Naruto in the side of the head to get his attention, she gestured at the stage. His eyes widened slightly then he smiled to himself.

"That's Hyuga Hinata. She's a medic-nin. I didn't know she sang though."

After saying that he tuned everything out and focused on getting so shit-faced he wouldn't care when he eventually went up and made fool of himself because of Monti's goading.

Monti, on the other hand, noticed the lyrics to Hinata's love song and the way the white-eyed woman kept looking at her boyfriend. She narrowed her eyes and nudged Naruto with her elbow.

"Oi, you ever date her?"

Naruto looked up from his fifth mug since the start of the song and focused blearily on her face.  
"Wha? Oh, yeah. Once, but she would stop blushing andgiggling and she would never look me in the eye, so it didn't get past the first date. Weird kid, that one."

She nodded and handed him her full mug. He smiled at her in a grateful drunken way and went back to killing his brain cells. When he was busy slurping she turned her eyes back to the stage where Hinata was pouring her soul into the song in a way that would have made anyone but Naruto fall all over himself to get to her. Thankfully Naruto was nothing, if not loyal so she didn't have to worry about him, but this woman was still a threat. She would be dealt with.

ZZZZZZZZZZZ

Hinata finished her song with a flourish and looked to were the love of her life sat drinking himself stupid at the bar. He didn't even notice the singing had stopped. Damnit! She frowned and looked down at the mike, not noticing the people clapping loudly.

"Is this thing on?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Well there you go. Took me long enough, ne? but this is like twice as long as my other chapters so I think it works out. Which is weird because I was going to base the chapter on Hinata singing and Naruto not noticing, but then the whole 'why are they at a club' thing came up. I don't really like having plot holes in my stories so I had to give them a reason to be there then I had to make it funny (well sort of funny, _I_ like it.) so it turned into this huge chapter. (sigh) oh well, review please. oh and tell me if i have any plot holes please!

AN- don't expect longer chapters like this one to be the norm, this was a surprise and will probably be the only one.

REVIEW!


	11. Pretty in pink

Hey, has anyone else noticed that that one song "behind blue eyes" would be the perfect songfic for Naruto? It describes him perfectly but I don't know if it would be hard touse it or not. Just saying. I will never get around to writing one but hey if any of you guys do you should tell me. I want to read it.(assuming there isnt already oneout there)Anyways you want to know something funny? It actually only takes like two days (one for writing one for editing) to do these chapters, I just never have inspiration. Reviews usually help, but I'm not one of those authors to hold chapters for ransom, I just go at my own pace. Weird huh? Anyways thanks for all the reviews, and sorry if you are expecting a real review response. We've covered this before. I'm lazy. That counts as work. They don't mix. Well I'm done rambling, on with the fic!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Naruto groaned as consciousness slowly returned to his alcohol-saturated mind. Deciding that he should check and see if he still had his pants on, he pried his eyes open just in time to get blinded by the rising sun. He groaned again and rolled over onto his side, noting as he did that he still had on all his clothes. Well not the same clothes as last night because the shirt he wore was really scratchy around the collar and this one was really very pleasant, but still, he had all the important things covered.

He lay there for a few more minutes just enjoying the fact that he wasn't puking his guts out. He was normally a very 'puky' drunk. Apparently Kyuubi thought it was funny that he could kick any ass and get up from any wound but he couldn't hold down his liquor. Bastard. He growled under his breath and tried to sit up. Bad idea. The room around him swam and decided to tilt to the left, causing him to fall off the bed. Stupid room. It had to be out to get him. Ha! Like he would fall for something like that.

Naruto pushed himself up onto his hands and knees and tried to catch his breath. The room really should come to its senses and just stop spinning. If it didn't work the first time it wont work now. He narrowed his eyes in concentration and stood up in one swift motion. He smirked at the wall he was facing. Take that! He stood there smirking and swaying in time with the room for a few minutes to get balanced. When he felt confident enough to make it to the bathroom he lifted his right foot and took a step forward. Maybe it was his left foot. Well whichever foot it was it didn't get to do its job because at that moment the room decided to tilt forward. Damn it. This room sure was persistent.

No matter. His determination would not be swayed! His stomach sure could though.Damn the floor should stop moving. Growling under his breath a bit louder, he jumped to his feet and made a mad dash for the bathroom door…only to have it jump to the left just in time for him to run into the wall face first. DAMN IT! Was the whole inanimate world out to get him!

Just as he was about to give in and just beg the stupid room for forgiveness, the ruler of all things good and wholesome chose to make an appearance. From the other side of the traitorous door! Damn, maybe there was a trick to it. ow…now his head hurt…and so did his stomach…and his eyes, when did it get so bright in here?

The voice doing Naruto's inner monologue gasped. Monti opened the curtains! That treacherous bitch! Naruto felt his insides twist in what could be some emotion he wasn't sentient enough to categorize. Nope. That was the nausea setting in. Damn.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Monti smirked lightly as she watched the love of her life scramble into the bathroom and bow before the porcelain god and puke his guts out. Poor thing, now he's going to have to brush his teeth twice. She shook her head lightly and closed the bathroom door. Deciding that today she would be a nice girlfriend, she started making coffee. They didnt have a real coffee pot in their hotel room.It was one of the ones that only made one cup of coffe per use. Stupid room. While she was scooping the grounds into the small paper filter there was a knock on the door.

Not even bothering to check herself in the mirror, she opened the door. Standing before her was the same boy from yesterday. Komo something.  
"Yes?"

He looked nervous.

"May I please speak with Naruto-ni?"

Naruto-bro? Well that's strange.

"I'm sorry, he's indisposed."

The sound of splashing and hacking came from behind me and the dark haired nin winced.

"I see. Well, when he's able could you send him down to the Hokage's office? She needs to debrief him on his mission."

She smiled brightly and nodded. He looked very uneasy for a second before darting forward and hugging her very quickly. He jumped back just as fast and looked severely embarrassed.

"I just wanted to thank you for everything Monti-dono."

She blinked her now wide eyes a few times at the overly respectful title.

"Uh, really its no problem. I think he was going that way later anyways."

He shook his head and smiled sadly at her.

"Not that. For everything you have done for Naruto-ni. I can tell he's honest-to-god happy when he's around you. I've never seen him like that. He is one of my precious people and this really means a lot to me."

The impromptu speech surprised her. She in tern surprised him with a hug much longer than the one he had given her.

"Its good to know I'm appreciated."

He blushed and bowed before disappearing in a puff of thin smoke.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto was in a bad mood. His face hurt. His head hurt. His eyes hurt. His stomach hurt. And to top it all off he had to go to a mission debriefing. Don't get him wrong, he loved being a shinobi (sometimes) but all the paperwork was a bitch. He growled at the chuunin guarding the entrance toHokage Towerand sent him a withering glare that should have killed him but didn't. He was a fairly smart kid though. He didn't even ask him to provide id. Yes definitely a smart kid.

Naruto pulled the pink bottle he had taken to carrying around with him after his first few hangovers and took a sip. He made a face at the flavor but didnt say anything. After a few years you just sort of get used to it. Feeling a bit nauseous, he took another drink. A few people walking in the halls sent him strange looks, which he countered with his world famous hangover glare.

When he finally stepped out of the elevator at the top floor he was feeling decidely crappy. Wait, screw crappy. He was feeling like shit. Like shit that had been stepped on by a fat guy, who was run over by a truck which was then in a head on colission that caused many many painful deaths. Oh yeah, that just about sums it up. He glared at the ANBU standing in front of Tsunade's office. Before the man (at least he _hoped_ it was a man, go forbid a woman have a figure like that) could say anything he flicked his wrist ever so slighly causing a chain reaction. The Pepto Bismol bottle hit the ANBU in the forhead then ricocheted of a wall, hit a computer monitor causing the cap to break spraying pink fluid everywere, the bottle then hit the wall next to him with a resounding splat that sent more pink fluid onto the celing.

Naruto sighed in satisfaction and calmly walked into the Hokage's office.

When he sat down in the cushiest chair possible on this side of the desk Tsunade took a moment to look over his appearance. He probably looked as bad as he flet. When he left he had just pulled on some baggy jeans, a black hoodie over whatever top he had been sleeping in, and extremely dark sunglasses with a hat. Not to mention any pink splaters from his stress releife

Shinobi are amazingly perceptive. None of the people he glared at (meaning everyone) could see his eyes but they all got out of his way anyways. Smart, smart kids. Unfortunately either Tsunade wasn't quite as perceptive as the general populace or she just didn't care, because his glare wasn't have any effect on her. Damn.  
"I want you to start training with Kakashi and Gai tomorrow. 4 A.M. Don't be late."

Not really in the mood to be jerked around, Naruto's glare intensified and he spoke in a quiet, cold voice.

"And what guarantee do I get that both of my training partners will be there at four? I wont waste any more time here than I have to. I'll get back up to fighting fit, kick some ass, and leave. That's it. Don't try andcon me into staying. Ill give you one day to show me around and manipulate everyone then its just me, Monti, and what ever training area I decide to use. Better plan this well, hag."

Tsunade was surprised to say the least. As she watched him leave only one thought crossed her mind. 'Damn, I'll have to get some gennin to clean my office.'

XXXXXXXXXXXX

I don't like this chapter. Tell me what you think please. REVIEW!


	12. time out

Hello my wonderful readers! Guess what! I'm moving, and you know what that means! Hours of tedious packing, arguments about what stays and what goes,and long hours on the road because I'm too cheap to fly. Yes, just what I always wanted! Anyway, along with being a pain in the ass, this also means that I wont be updating for a very long time….no, no, please don't cry. I asked around and the rough estimate for getting back on the net was September, but I'll still be writing so by the time I get back to being online enough to update I'll have a few chapters backed up. Well I just figured I'd give you the good news before I dropped off the face of the earth for a few months. See you in September!

Oh, I'm moving to Hill City (South Dakota), if anyone was curious.


	13. no good news

Alright everyone (I know you saw this coming a mile away) I'm dropping this story. In fact I'm dropping all of my stories. In fact, I'm not even personalizing my discontinued notice; I'm just going to post this same note on both of them. Sorry, I know I should do more but my life outside of my secret obsession with fan fiction is calling and I just don't have time. Honestly I haven't had time for about three years. Every time I got a review I promised myself that I would sit down a write something, but all that got me was a terrible novel about lame characters doing nothing in particular. So I'm offering my two incomplete stories up for adoption. Neither of them got very far plot-wise so whoever takes them up can go anyway they want. I will be checking out your current stories and your writing style before I fork one or both of them over. Excuse my baseless ego, but I think my ideas are pretty good and so I want a great writer to bring them to fruition in a way I couldn't. If you're interested drop me an e-mail and we can talk. I'm especially sorry to all those readers who were with me since chapter one and have been waiting all this time. I am so sorry guys!

Jackie


End file.
